Today (er, tonight) is my 6th day of working a GEO satellite launch, and it would have been my 11th straight day of work if I hadn’t taken last Friday off. It’s nice to be getting more comfortable with the procedures, and it’s been fun to get to chat with people in my group and get to know them better while we’re on console. But there are long (LOOOOOONG) stretches where it’s very boring. I have what Becca’s dubbed the rock star shift, 2:30 - 10:30 pm, and it’s usually busy in the afternoon with some sort of procedure, usually an Earth update. The afternoon then relaxes into evening, the emails slow down, we order greasy food for dinner, I try to resist the allure of peanut M&M’s in the back room, and the hours c r a w l . I mark time by the recording our spacecraft’s momentum error in a spreadsheet, once per hour, and examining how Excel has updated the best-fit line. Oh, the excitement!

Overall though, it’s been a neat experience. And I’m lucky to have gotten a relatively easy shift, time-wise. I’m naturally a night owl, but the 4th shift (9:30pm - 5:30am) would have been a serious stretch, and I would have felt like death warmed over if I had to come in for the first shift every day (2:30am - 10:30am). I still get nervous talking over the voice net, but that’s really pretty dumb because there are only a handful of us in the room at a time.


Josh and I finally bought tickets to go to Zion National Park over Labor Day weekend. Yay! True to form, I’m much more excited about the trip now that I’ve scrolled through pictures online. We still have a list of stuff to buy for the trip (namely, a tent and a sleeping bag for me), and I’m brainstorming ways to dehydrate myself during the days so that I don’t have to venture to the bathroom in the middle of the night with spiders, snakes, or anything that flies (hmm, maybe I’ll add a headlamp to my shopping list). But daytime activities? Definitely looking forward to those!

Quiet

It’s deathly quiet around here at work. We’ve lost several people to other programs and new buildings over the past few weeks, particularly people whose offices were along the same hallway as mine. eerie.

I guess I’ll get out my mp3 player. I wonder when iPod will become like Kleenex? At some point, will I give in and start referring to it as my iPod, even when it’s actually a Sansa?

My computer is struggling to transfer many GB of files from my harddrive to the server. To reduce its workload, I’ve done everything else I can think of that doesn’t involve my computer—straightening up my desk, filing papers, talking to a few coworkers to get some questions answered... and my computer is STILL transferring files. Bleh.

Today is my 1 year anniversary at work. Sadly, this is the longest I have held a single job in my entire 26 years of life, not counting the two years I was in grad school and working for the company that paid my tuition. It’s been... different than I expected. Recently I’ve gotten an opportunity to work on a new program, and it’s been nice to stretch my brain a bit and do something different. I have a feeling this won’t be a long-term job for me, but then again, I have trouble seeing anything as a long-term job for me...

I got a haircut yesterday, and I think it’s the first time that my wonderful stylist here has goofed. I spent forever messing with it this morning and eventually ended up going to work with my hair in a ponytail. Ugh. I can’t decide if I want to go back to have her trim it, or if I want to wait a few days to see if I get used to it (or at least figure out how to not gag when I look in the mirror).

My paper for this conference is due on Monday, and in typical fashion, I’ve put it off the final edits until the very last minute. I’ve had a hard time getting motivated for this thing, especially now that our travel arrangements for Hawaii are all set. :) I’m not getting graded on the paper or the presentation, although it would suck to look like an idiot in front of people I’ve never met, just like it would suck to look back at this paper in several years and wish I had spent more time polishing it.

Meh.

Work has been frustratingly boring recently. I’ve been finding myself at work daydreaming about all the other glamorous careers I could have—journalist, photographer, environmental activist or researcher, writer for HowStuffWorks.com, any work for National Geographic. Then I get even more carried away and start wishing I lived somewhere like France, for example, where I’d only have to work 35 hours a week. The wife of a friend of mine has a job where she’s required to work 50 hours a week, but she’s compensated by a salary that’s 1.25 times what the standard for that position would be. From a standard 40 hours a week perspective, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t take the extra hours for the extra pay. When I turn it around though and think about whether I would take a 25% pay cut to work only 30 hours a week, I’m less sure of my decision. Once you have the money and your lifestyle “inflates”, it would be harder to go back.

Funniest work compliment I have ever received (sent in an email today):

“Melanie, these are absolutely amazing charts. You are my favorite plotter of all time.”

So I may not have any analytical skills or guidance & control talent, but at least I can plot stuff in Matlab.

Hurry up and wait

The past several weeks at work have been exciting and extremely stressful at the same time. I’m responsible for a trade study that will have a significant impact on our “mainline” vehicle design, and the final presentation is next Thursday.

It’s been really cool to meet some higher-ups on our greater guidance and control team, and I’ve gotten a few nice compliments on my work so far from some coworkers. I like days like today where I get to present the stuff that I’m responsible for and I’m busy enough that by the time I glance at the clock before picking up my lunch, it’s already 3:00. It’s a far cry from a few previous jobs I’ve had where I’m so bored and/or frustrated that I’m ready to leave for lunch by 10:30 in the morning.

The downside, of course, is that I’ve been working long hours and I’ve periodically gotten frustrated with a few people and have done a less-than-stellar job of hiding it. I think Josh has become immune to reacting to my nightly stories of, “Oh! And guess what else happened today?!” This project has been getting in the way of other things, like training for the 10-miler that I’m supposed to be running in April, and it’s been stressing me out in unexpected ways. When I finally sat down to eat my lunch today, for example, my jaw was so sore that it hurt to chew my squishy sandwich. Apparently I’ve reverted to grinding my teeth in my sleep, grad school fashion.

The other downside of being in crunch time for this project is that I have to keep running around and asking people questions, and of course, they have their own stuff that they’re in crunch time for. So I beg people for their time or their expertise, but then I have to wait until they’re free to talk with me, and then once I have the information I need, it’s back to frantic Matlab/Powerpoint cramming. So as you might guess, this past half hour has been the “wait” part of “hurry up and wait.”

I’d say it’s about time for an update...

First off, my sincere apologies to my grandma for not updating in basically forever. :) There was the thesis, graduation, the summer of glorious unemployment, the trip to Europe, the time at home, the move, the new job, and the being in a relationship in which the people involved can finally talk to each other in person each night instead of on the phone. Amazing! What will they think of next??

My new job has been going fine. It’s not spectacular, but it’s not bad, and there are some nice perks that come with working for a relatively small space company. Tonight, however, is not one of them—it’s nearly 7 pm and leaving work is still a ways away. The schedule for this program is very tight, and that combined with my general lack of knowledge about what I’m doing can make for some long days at work.

The most important change that’s happened over the past several months is that my parents, married for 31 years, are now divorced. The past several years have been rocky for them, so my sisters and I shouldn’t have been shocked when we found out, but it’s been a struggle to deal with. My parents told us their intentions to split up back in December, but the divorce wasn’t finalized until about a month ago. I seem to oscillate between these overwhelming pangs of despair because it feels like my family is disintigrating, and periods of calm where I realize that although a lot’s changing—my parents are separating, they’re selling our house, my dad’s getting remarried—everyone’s still alive and healthy and polite to each other. Since December, my periods of calm are now outnumbering the times of despair, so it’s seems that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Josh and I celebrated our two year anniversary this past weekend. We didn’t actually do much since I'm still frantically writing my thesis, but it was really nice to just spend some time together since we haven’t seen each other in a while.

Speaking of the thesis, it looks like this might actually happen—I might actually graduate on time. I was really worried for a long time that I’d have to stay here for the summer, after everyone else had left. It’s still going to be tough to finish everything in the next three weeks, but I think it’s do-able. It helps that my officemate is in the same boat, so we’ve been able to commiserate on our behind-schedule-ness.

About a week and a half ago, the weather here started to get really nice. I walked to work everyday, amazed that the sun still actually existed. The only problem was that it was also pretty windy, which created some problems for my eyes. Because (watch out, armchair ophthalmologist diagnosis coming...) my corneas were damaged from being irritated for such a long time and are only now slowly getting better, my eyes still dry out very easily in the wind. I noticed that my eyes were itchy and red after my mom and I spent a weekend at the Cape last September (windy), this whole mess started when Lauren and I were tramping around England for a week last spring (windy), and my eyes were itchy and dry after ice skating for a day with some girls from work a couple months ago (also windy, although some may have been self-generated).

A few days ago though, I realized that even though this whole eye ordeal has really sucked, this was probably the best time for it to happen. I’ve been so busy with school this past year that even if my eyes were cooperating, I haven’t had time to do a lot of outdoor stuff where I just couldn’t wear glasses. Plus, I haven’t had to drive on a regular basis in grad school, where wearing my glasses definitely cuts down on my peripheral vision.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train

My, my... it’s been a while. Things are crazy busy here, so there hasn’t been much time for other things besides sleep, food, and thesis. Several weeks ago, my advisor told me that he didn’t think I’d be able to graduate on time because I kept having setbacks with the algorithm I’m developing. It seemed like each day I’d come into work, having runs several simulations overnight, and there’d be some case where my algorithm burped on something that I hadn’t anticipated. So, I’d spend most of the day fixing it and then I’d run some more cases overnight, and then something different would be wrong the next morning. This went on and on until it was way past the point that I needed to actually start writing.

Which brings us to now. I’ve fixed most of the major things, so my algorithm is giving much better results, although it still has some minor problems. But my advisor agreed when I told him (adamantly) that I wanted to graduate this spring. The problem is that this leaves me with basically three weeks to write my entire thesis and run all the sims I need to collect my data. To this end, I’ve been spending almost every waking hour in front of a computer. The last thing I feel like doing when I get home is spending more time in front of a computer, blogging.

Anyway. As part of my post-thesis life, about a month ago I accepted the Virginia job. I’m really excited about the work, although I have some reservations about the company as a whole, so I’m not sure how long I'll stay. It was a really tough decision, but in the end, what made my decision was the fact that I thought if I took the Maryland job, I’d always wonder about the work at the Virginia job, and I didn’t think that would happen the other way around. We’ll see, I guess. I’m definitely looking forward to working with some old friends, and I’m excited about moving back to DC. I love DC. Not to mention that my favorite person in the whole world will be mere miles away, rather than a whole plane ride away. :)

In typical procrastination fashion, I’ve already spent too much time online looking for apartments and cars when I should be writing my thesis. There are so many decisions to make! I can’t decide if I want to live by myself or with roommates, closer to DC or closer to work, buy a new car or a used car... The smart thing to do, I know, is live close to work, get a roommate, and buy a used car. Ugh. But the thing is, I’ve never lived on my own before. I’ve lived with my parents, shared some dorm rooms, and shared many apartments. I also know that at some point, Josh and I will move in together, so is this my only chance to live by myself? However, if I’m not actually going to be spending much time there, then it would be a lot cheaper to have a roommate.

And then there’s the city. Downtown DC is about 30 miles away from where I’ll be working. I don’t want to live downtown (couldn’t afford it and not crazy about the crime...), but it would be fun to live in Arlington or Falls Church. The drive isn’t terrible because I’d be reverse-commuting from the typical burbs-to-city folk, but I also don’t want to waste 1-2 hours per day sitting in my car. But living near the city would be a lot more fun than living in the suburbs... I have my entire life to live in the burbs. However, if I lived closer to work, I could bike to work when the weather’s decent, which would be really cool. If I go the roommate route, the rent would be about the same for either area. If I wanted to get my own apartment, cost would be more of a discriminator, I think.

I’ve almost managed to convince myself that if I “settle” for living closer to work, I can splurge by getting my own apartment and buying a new car. Not sure that’s a fair “trade,” but that’s what I’m thinking...

Just a couple more

This coming week I have two more interviews, and regardless of how they turn out, they will be the LAST interviews that I go on in the foreseeable future.

The first one is a quick on-campus interview with a large aerospace & defense company. I applied online several months ago and honestly, had basically forgotten about it. I'm not holding out much hope that the interview will lead to anything though. Even if everything goes well and I get a second round interview, I don't think it would happen before I have to make a decision on my other job offers. I'm also not convinced that I'm going to be thrilled about the work, or that I'll even learn any specifics about it very soon.

The second one is on Wednesday with a government agency that I'm much more interested in possibly working for. The only twist about this interview is that I have to give a short presentation at the end. Since it's only supposed to be 15-20 minutes, talking about my thesis wouldn't really be appropriate - it would take much too long to get into any useful detail. Plus, I'd have to make a new set of slides. Yuck.

I'd much rather give an old presentation from a project that I've worked on it the past. My best choice, I think, would be a presentation that I gave toward the end of my year of full-time work. Over the past couple days, I started to panic because I couldn't find the presentation, or anything else that I saved from my time in Houston. It wasn't on my hard drive and I worried that I had been dumb enough to not take any of the work I had done with me when I left.

It turns out that I'm just bad at keeping things organized. Earlier tonight I found the CD with all my work data on it, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to use one of the presentations for this interview. The lesson to be learned from this is KEEP YOUR WORK! You'll never know when you might need it again. Save big presentations, save your personal records of what you worked on (for example, we wrote "activity reports" every week to turn in to the boss), and save contact information. I copied down email addresses and phone numbers from several people that I worked with, and I've referred to it so many times since I left that I wish I had been smart enough to do that at all the places I've worked in the past.

My ideal job

This time three years ago, I had a job lined up for when I left college and started living in the real world, but I was in the typical 20-something quandary: I had essentially no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be done with school because my education, though pricey, hadn’t prepared me to tackle real engineering problems. But I didn’t want to stay in school because I didn’t know what I wanted to study.

Thus, the job hunt began. I was lucky to be job hunting during a brief time when the government agency that I had always dreamed of working for was hiring. I applied, had a couple interviews, and poof! I had an offer. The deadline to accept or decline was December 1st - way before I had a chance to do any other interviewing.

I had no idea what to do. Here it was, what I thought was my dream job offer, but it somehow felt like a cop-out if I didn't at least see what else was out there. Somehow it was too easy. Everyone I talked to said, “Ooh, tough call!” but didn't offer any real advice when I asked. Thankfully, my academic advisor took on the role of high school guidance counselor for me when no one else would.

So I took the job. I figured I could at least get some experience and beef up the ol’ résumé while I was figuring out what I wanted to do with my life.

Unfortunately, the job didn’t pan out like I had hoped. A lot of that was my fault, but I did manage to learn a few things from it. I at least had a longer list of what I liked and what I didn’t like, both in terms of work and in terms of a company to work for. A year later, I received my acceptance letter to grad school, and over the past year and a half I’ve come even closer to really nailing what kind of work I want to do.

The type of work, I think, is more than half the “describe your ideal job” battle. An engineering degree, it seems, can get you a job just about anywhere. An aerospace engineering degree only limits the field by a little. Some of the topics we studied in school were materials & structures, kinematics & dynamics, fluid dynamics and aerodynamics, thermodynamics, and controls. I knew what I didn’t like (materials) what I kinda liked (aerodynamics), and what I just didn’t get (controls). It wasn’t until I took a propulsion class during my senior year that I learned even a little about astrodynamics (how planets and other things in space move around due to gravity) and thought - hey, this is pretty cool!

The job I took with the government mainly involved spacecraft trajectories - how a hunk of metal wants to move in the atmosphere or in space and how to steer it to follow the path that you want instead. That stuff was pretty neat too. I knew about that kind of work as an intern, but I was never able to land a job actually doing it until I took the government job.

In grad school, much of my classwork has focused on guidance, navigation, and control. Here I finally saw that there was a reason that anyone bothered to understand control theory. I’m still not a huge controls fan, but it’s a necessary evil on the way to doing cooler things, like guidance algorithm development and trajectory design.

Okay, so I’ve gotten a little off-topic. My original point was to whine about how I can’t figure out what job to take! Now that I mostly have the “what kind of work I want to do” figured out, all that’s left are those other “minor” details to figure out - what about all the other stuff besides the work?

I haven’t gotten very far in making a job decision by making a pro/con list for the two companies that have made me offers, so I’m trying to approach it from the other end - what is my ideal job at my ideal company?

I want to have a job where...

• I look forward to going to work every day
• The actual work is interesting to me
• The work, and the company’s mission, is useful - the work benefits others, and has a clear purpose
• I get along well with my co-workers and my boss; the atmosphere is friendly and helpful/supportive
• The hours are reasonable - the job doesn’t take over my life
• The company is respectful of work/life balance
  
• The work is technical, but it involves more than just me sitting in front of a computer all day (I’m already doing this for my thesis and it sucks)
• There’s a good mix of working with people and solving problems on my own
• There’s a variety of work, and the company is willing to accommodate me when my interests change and I want to try something new
• My co-workers are motivated to get things done
  
• The company’s goal is to deliver work that is thorough and correct, not just on-time
• There’s a good mix of young people and older, more experienced engineers
• The company encourages me to expand my horizons and further my education - not necessarily toward a degree, but at least job-related training. Bonus if they have a very broad definition of what’s job-related. :)
  
• It pays enough to cover my expenses, plus some extra to help me save for fun stuff

The prom

Last night was our company's Social Gala - too late to be called a Christmas party, but too early to really be a Spring Fling. So it's affectionately known as the company prom. Anyway, it was at the Boston Courthouse, which was really beautiful. We weren't allowed to bring cameras to the event though, so no pictures. :( A bunch of us Fellows - grad students whose research is being sponsored by the company, like me - went to the event together to take advantage of the all-you-can-eat buffet and to watch our advisors dance to Celebration by KC and the Sunshine Band and other standard wedding reception songs. We giggled a bit at the dancing, but hey, none of us looked particularly good out there, regardless of age, and we were all having a good time. It was when the kissing started during Marvin Gaye's Let's Get it On that we decided it was time to go.

Since we were all dressed up and it was only 11pm, we decided to go to Top of the Hub, which is the restaurant at the top of the Prudential Center. When we got to the Pru however, the hostess on the ground floor told us that the wait to get on the elevator was about 30-40 minutes, and the kitchen and bar close at midnight. By this time it was already almost 11:30, so we decided to skip it and just go to another bar down the street. I spent a ridiculous amount of money last night though, between the ticket and the drinks and the cab... can't do the prom every weekend.

Oh, and I was able to wear my contacts the entire night! My eyes were kind of dry by the time I went to bed, but it was hard to determine how much of that was from the contacts and how much of that was just from the fact that it was 1am...

Professionalism

We've gotten a lot of rain recently, the kind of rain that necessitates stripping just inside your front door, because if you don't, you'll leave a trail of leaves and dirty water anywhere else you walk. Usually, I don't bike in the rain because in addition to the regular amount of wet socks, wet shoes, and drenching that occurs when your umbrella flips inside out while walking, you also get splashed with wet road grime when cars, trucks, and busses drive through ginormous puddles on the road.

Today the rain had stopped, so foolishly I decided to ride my bike to work this morning, forgetting that the ginormous puddles remain after the rain, and they have an irritating tendency to splash water in a neat little line up your back tire and onto the seat of your pants when you bike through them.

So now I'm walking around at work with a giant wet spot on my butt. Real professional. To counteract this, I feel compelled to sneak the words, "I rode my bike here," into every conversation with anyone at work, just so they don't think I peed in my pants.

And just to add that extra level of embarrassment, I noticed when I got up just now that the wet spot on my pants has partially transferred itself to the seat of my fabric chair. So now it looks like I peed on myself AND the chair.

Great.

Can't sleep

My head is swirling and I can't shut it off. I don't know how to put it on a shelf for the night so that I can get some sleep. My mind is racing, but I can't focus on one thing long enough to understand it, to solve it.

I'm worried about everything. I'm worried about how I'm doing in my classes, I'm worried about my research. I'm worried that I won't graduate in time, I'm worried that I won't get a job. I'm worried that my eyes will never get better. "At least you have your health!" they always say. But I don't. It's not terrible, but it's always there, in the back of my mind, giving me an unsettled feeling that I haven't been able to shake, even when I can't always put my finger on it for a few seconds. Why do I feel weird? Oh yeah... that's right.

You should never go back to grad school after working full time, because when you work, you get tricked into believing that you have free time. How do I meet these people who say that grad school was the time of their lives? I do research all day and homework all night. A break for running, sometimes, and a break for dinner, maybe a whole day free on Saturday. I don't mean to complain because I think many students handle this better than I do. I'm not sure how they do it. I'm 24 years old and I make ten dollars an hour. I'm not looking forward to becoming a slave to corporate America, but at least then I can go on vacation.

My mom has a "critical mass" theory about stress - you can handle a certain number of things for a certain amount of time, but then just one more thing gets piled on top, and the whole thing comes tumbling down like a ton of bricks. Suddenly all the things you were so expertly juggling become debilitating.

My alarm clock is making crackling noises. I hope it doesn't die and/or explode in the middle of the night.

How to annoy me

First, walk around the office with the loudest shuffle imaginable, almost as if you are a gorilla who was accidentally let loose from the zoo to wander among computers and normal human beings. Second, take every opportunity while scuffling around the hallways to clear your throat. Use high tones and low tones, many times together or just one at a time here and there, but never use this opportunity to clear your throat hard enough OR ACTUALLY COUGH so that you don't have to do it again in 30 seconds. Just keep making the wimpy noise at irregular intervals. Third, listen to your iPod at 8am and SING ALONG TO IT AT WORK. Everyone knows you have a terrible voice, so why not let everyone hear it? It's not like you'd ever shut your office door to protect the innocent from your screeching.

We've all grown accustomed to respecting each other's personal space, right? Why isn't audio space included? Why do people think it's okay to whistle, hum, or sing along to the music in their head while surrounded by other people?

Long day

This has pretty much been the longest day on record. This will be followed by the shortest weekend on record, all courtesy of the fact that the boyfriend is arriving today and staying for the weekend. The extreme highs and lows of long distance dating really suck, so to make it through all the emails, phone calls, and weeks without seeing each other, I suggest you pick the best person on earth as your significant other. And no, you can't have mine.

Yesterday I got a new officemate. Yay! The only real perks to having my own office were that I could make personal phone calls whenever I needed to and no one tsk-tsk'ed if I watched movie trailers at lunch. But over the summer especially, days would go by where I wouldn't talk to anyone while I was at work. I don't work with other people on my project, and I felt a lot of pressure to get all my work done in such a short period of time, so I didn't have a lot of time for miscellaneous chitchat with my coworkers. Things are still really hectic, but at least now I have more of a social outlet here.

Well, I have nothing else interesting to talk about because I babysit Matlab sims all day, and it's almost time to go home. Happy Friday!

Interviews

I have two interviews scheduled for tomorrow!! Both are with defense/intelligence companies. When I budgeted time to go to the career fair today though, I forgot about the time that I would spend catching up with old friends who are now recruiting for their companies. :) I love running into people I haven't seen in a long time, and somehow none of those conversations today felt contrived or fake. I wish I knew how to surround myself with more people like that - friendly people who tell it like it is. No sugar, no fake smiles, no exaggeration of how close we were when we went to school together. I'm sure it helped that several of these friends worked for companies that I have no interest in working for, so they didn't have to give me their regular recruiting pitch. And it helps that we've all grown up a little bit.

One of the things I disliked the most about my first full time job was the fact that there was very little communication from the management. Everything was rumors. I would hear about agency changes from news headlines and blogs before, if ever, I would hear anything from my supervisor or the head of the agency. News of new projects would go like this: "There's been a buzz about some new work coming down the pipe..." I hated that. "Down the pipe?" It seemed like no one person or group was ever associated with a particular policy change or analysis request. I felt acutely aware of just how big the gap was between the decision makers (them) and the lowly laborers (us). To be fair, it's an extremely large workforce, so all-hands meetings to explain changes or answer questions are often unrealistic. And it's a government agency, so engineering development and Congressional policy get tangled up as motivations for change.

I didn't realize how much I disliked that type of company communication until just a few weeks ago. The engineering VP of my current employer sat down with each group individually (15-20 of us) and discussed how things around the lab would be changing with our new president coming in, what hiring changes were happening, how the company was growing, what new projects were coming in, and why current groups and divisions are set up the way they are. He explained things as they were, even if that meant admitting some shortcomings or areas in which the company needed to improve. And when he was finished talking, he spent the next 45 minutes fielding questions from our group. Granted, it's a lot easier to do that sort of thing with a smaller company, and I'm sure that the VP lost a complete day or two just going around to all the different groups to explain the same things over and over. But at least for me, that sort of communication has an incredible boost on my morale and feeling of worth in the company. It's nice to be informed, and it's nice to feel like your suggestions or questions have at least some, however small, impact on how things are done.

Thursday thoughts

+ Today is the career fair. I'm nervous. And there are a lot of companies that I want to speak with during the two hours that I can be there.

+ I've lost weight since I was living in Houston. All of my dress clothes are now baggier, especially in areas where I don't want them to be baggy!

+ My brass rat feels extremely heavy compared to the small silver ring I've been wearing lately. I used to love wearing my class ring - everyone at school bought one and wore it as a badge of pride for having survived the most academically difficult 4 years of our lives. After I graduated though, I wore it less and less because it didn't seem to mean as much to me when I wasn't surrounded by other MIT grads. Looking at it today though, I miss wearing it, but not enough to give up wearing my silver ring. I never thought I'd be back here after I turned my brass rat around at graduation.

+ The radiator in my bedroom is on already. We live in an old building, so the boiler distributes heat to every apartment in the building, which means that we don't have our own thermostat. So my radiator is on when it's September 21st and it's 70 degrees outside.

+ I must start going to bed earlier.

+ 95% of the kids in my Feedback Control Systems class are first year grad students, which means that they don't have much research work to do yet. I miss the days of getting all my homework done at work and then being able to leave at 3:30 to go to the gym.

+ I need to go the gym.

+ I see my roommate for about 5 minutes a day, if that.

+ My mom is visiting this weekend, and we're going to the Cape! It might rain though.

+ Dude, Grey's Anatomy almost made me cry last night. Maybe I can see the attraction with that show.

+ I've become a lot ballsier about biking in traffic now that I've started wearing my helmet regularly. Ironically, I think I was safer when I wasn't wearing it.

+ I miss having an officemate. Well, except for this morning when I could change clothes in my office instead of having to go to the bathroom.

+ My newest theory about my eyes being retarded is that it's caused by another medication I'm taking. My eyes didn't start freaking out until about 3 months after I started taking the medication, which is about how long it takes your body to adjust to the new levels of drugs. Plus, I've read that one of the drugs in the medication is known to cause dry eyes. It was hard to believe at first that my eye problems could be caused just by dryness, but I've started putting in re-wetting drops several times during the day, and it seems to be helping, so either they're just dry or the extra moisture is helping flush out whatever allergens might be in there. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to see what my other medication options are.

+ My new favorite blog to read is Everyday Goddess.

+ I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to get all my thesis research, analysis, and writing done before May 11, 2007.

Cleaning

It's been a mostly boring evening - cleaning the microwave, cleaning the toaster, cleaning the bathroom... I also threw out a bunch of old stuff and left a couple things in the entryway of the apartment building, which has become part garage sale and part dumping ground. A few days ago I left some books and a coffeemaker; today I left a broken chair and table but picked up a fan. Very handy.

Tomorrow NASA will announce the prime contractor for the newly-named Orion crew exploration vehicle. The company I work for is on one of the teams that submitted a proposal, and everyone in the lab is excited about the announcement. The company has done some very important work in space exploration over the years, but lately the work has been on much smaller projects, so this contract would be almost like a revival of the 1960's. I'm really pulling for the company because my thesis is based on the Crew Exploration Vehicle, and although I'll still have funding even if the lab doesn't win this contract, it'll be much more educational and a lot more fun if I'm working as part of a team instead of on my own.

Last weekend my little sister left for Spain to start her semester abroad in Seville. She seemed a little apprehensive at first about getting there on her own, meeting the other kids in her program, and finding out who she'd be staying with (she chose to do a homestay, but they don't find out anything about their local hosts until they arrive), but I think she's settling in well. She's started a travel blog about her semester, which is here if you're interested in reading.

Speaking of traveling, Josh has been gone for almost three weeks now, and he won't be back until early next week. We've been able to talk on the phone a couple times during the brief times he's popped up in civilization, but mostly I've been sans boyfriend for the past three weeks. It's been sad. I never realized how often I called him for no particular reason at all, or how I unconsciously store away funny things that happen to me during the day so that I can tell Josh about them that night. But I've also realized that I've let him become my social crutch, so it's been great to hang out with some old friends again.

Clarification

I should be clear that in the previous entry, my hangups come from the label and what other people will think, not the decision itself. I should also mention that this decision is by no means one-sided - we're both moving from different cities/jobs to be together.