So, the good news is that my eyeballs are FINALLY starting to look better. The bad news is that it’s taken a lot of medication and a lot of waiting. I saw an optometrist here pretty much as soon as I got my health insurance set up through work, which was around the end of August. She confirmed what my general physician at school had said, that my symptoms sounded a lot like ocular rosacea, not allergies; however, for reasons that I don't fully understand, she’s been reluctant to actually diagnose me with it. So the official diagnosis right now is blepharitis, which is an inflammation of the eyelids. It’s something that can be caused by rosacea though, so I have an appointment with a dermatologist on Wednesday to see if he can tell me if that’s been contributing to my eye problems and if so, how to keep it under control.
Since my August appointment with my eye doctor, I’ve been on an oral antibiotic and was briefly taking a combination antibiotic/steroid eyedrop. The antibiotics are used because they’re anti-inflammatories, not because it’s some sort of bacterial infection. Anyway, it takes a couple months for the antibiotic to work its way into your system, so it’s been only recently that I’ve seen an improvement in how my eyes look. The itching has been significantly reduced though, so that’s also helped with the redness. My optometrist was optimistic that I could eventually wear contacts again, and although my eyes aren’t clear enough for me to feel comfortable putting in contacts yet, I’m really hoping that time is coming.
Although I’ve been really glad over the past few weeks to see actual, lasting improvement in my eyes, it’s been hard to not to dwell on all the what-ifs from the past. Was there something I used before that triggered the rosacea, since it doesn’t run in my family? How different would the past two years have been if the first ophthalmologist I saw had known what this was? Would it have taken less time to clear up?
In some ways I’ve gotten more used to wearing glasses than I ever thought I could. But that doesn’t stop me from gazing jealously at my little sister’s perfectly pale eyelids over lunch last weekend, or getting annoyed with co-workers who have perfectly healthy eyes and choose to wear glasses instead of contacts, and admit that it’s just due to laziness. That is something I will never understand—why would you ever choose to just wear glasses when you could be using contacts? I understand not wanting to stick something in your eye, believe me. When I first got contacts in high school, it took me two unsuccessful hours at the doctor’s office, crying, going home, and another hour at the office the next day before I could finally keep my eye open long enough to get the contact in. It then took me another half hour to be able to get them out. Trust me, if I can do it, anyone can do it.
And okay, I understand that it’s nice to be able to just take your glasses off whenever you want to take a nap. But those things will never outweigh the benefits of how much better your vision is with contacts because you actually have peripheral vision and how much more convenient it is to go through life without a hunk of metal and glass permanently affixed to your face.
Hmm... I guess I had a rant I needed to get out.
Anyway, over the past several days, I’ve tried to readjust my outlook from what-if, why-me to something more positive. I’ve finally found a doctor who knows what I have and has a plan to treat it. My eyes ARE getting better and they rarely hurt anymore. Although the antibiotic has some annoying side effects, at least there is medication. The other things that I need to do on a regular basis to get/keep my eyes healthy—get plenty of sleep, exercise, drink lots of water, stay out of the sun—are things that I should be doing anyway, so now I have additional motivation. The bottom line, most important thing I have to remind myself to be thankful for is that this isn’t something that affects my vision. It could be worse.
The other thing this has helped me get into perspective is that you never know what problems other people are dealing with, medical or otherwise. There are a couple of people at work that I’ve talked to about my eye problems, and my medical issue is probably more visible than many, but in general, I keep it to myself. How many other people at work are dealing with some sort of medical problem of their own or their child’s, or some other personal/family issue that they wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing? The fact that someone looks fine doesn’t always mean a lot.
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2 comments:
I agree that being able to wear contacts is so much better. I only spent a few weeks in glasses during my short bout with GPC, and I hated it. I hope that you get better now that you're making some progress!
I have been wearing contacts since I was thirteen, and, like you, I had to be held down in order to get them in. Touching my eyeball doesn't even phase me now, but, contacts are still not an easy process. If I am lucky, it takes me 10 minutes to put them in and stay put, and not even then - they like to move and shift and never truly settle, and I have a severe astigmatism so that really affects me. By the end of it, I look like I've been crying for hours with the teary eyes and runny nose (any time my eyes tear up, regardless of the cause, my nose runs). It's very annoying, and I usually end up with a pretty decent headache at the end of the day.
Some days, I don't want to deal with that. Or maybe I'm running late. On those days, I wear my glasses, and if you asked why, I'd say I was being lazy and didn't feel like putting them in. So, "lazy" can mean a lot of things. (Besides, some people look better in glasses, I think.) I wear contacts mostly because of the freedom (and because I have a tendency to *break* my glasses) but it's not easy - I can't just pop them in and go. I can never forget that I'm wearing them.
You shouldn't get mad at people who have the choice to wear contacts and don't, even if it's nothing more than laziness. It's just that the choice has been taken away from you, and that's what's unfair. I'd feel the same if I was told I couldn't wear contacts anymore, and I'm sure so would the other glasses wearers; despite the annoyance, the irritation, the frustration, they are much better than glasses.
It's the old adage - people rarely appreciate what they have until it's gone. Now, you and Jen and Becca are all big-time contact wearers and certainly appreciate them, but a lot of people take things like that for granted until it's taken away. And there's nothing you can do about it, which is almost as frustrating. I know - I had high school friends who wore glasses because they liked how they looked! I wanted to shake them!!
BUT! All that said, it's great news that things really seem to be moving forward for you and that there's a very good chance that you will be able to wear contacts again. What a pain!
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