Questions

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying is the "most emailed" article today at the New York Times. What to do if the answer is, "We both aren't sure right now"? Where's the guarantee that you both will come to the same conclusion about that question after many years of marriage? I'm continually amazed at couples who stay happily married for their entire lives, because they've obviously mastered the trick of growing up and changing together. Maybe some of it's luck, but what's the rest of the secret? People change, develop different interests and hobbies, and come to expect different things from their partner, so it's easy to see how a couple could grow apart. Maybe that list should be titled "Questions Couples Should Ask Continually Throughout Their Marriage."

1. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12. What does my family do that annoys you?
13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?